I'm So Tired Of Choking

Parody lyrics by Chris Chin
November 7, 1999

Ever since I came out at school
I messed around with all the rules
Apologized, then realized
I'm different after all

Me and the boys sure had some fun
Behind the bleachers in the stadium
Coach said "It's a blowjob, son,
if you want a passing grade"

In and out of bathroom stalls
Giving head in study hall
No matter how I relaxed my jaw
I just couldn't get it right

He promised me that he'd be fair
"I won't come in your mouth, I swear"
But he shot his load when I came up for air
And blamed it on the drugs

I'm so tired of cho-king, my dear (my dear)
Looking for a less-endowed queer (endowed queer)
What good are well-hung guys (hung guys)
If I can't get it in? (get it in)

I found that there's a compromise
Big dicks brings tears to my eyes
Suffocation, I realize
Is just the price you pay

A big ol' dick looks good to me
I wish my throat opened more easily
So I could take it all inside of me
And not begin to gag


(acoustic guitar solo)
(electric guitar solo)

People ask me every day
"Can't give head? Are you sure you're gay?"
"Past seven inches it just hurts," I say
But I'll tell you what we'll do instead

I'll try to give you what you want
But sucking cock is not my strongest point
And so I think it's pointless goin' on
I'd rather just get fucked

I must be doing something wrong
Either that, or your dick's too long
I just can't seem to take your schlong
For the whole damn thing's too big

Quietly now, while I turn to go
The sex act's over without...fellatio
This gag reflex has got to go
I just don't understand


[original song]