I only wanted a piece of cheese, goddamit!

There is a very famous story about an episode of "The Newlyweds Game," where host Bob Eubanks asks one woman "Where's the most unusual place you've ever made whoppee?" to which she responds, "That would be up the butt, Bob." While this urban legend has largely been debunked, it still holds a special place in the hearts of gay people everywhere.

Here on #gaysfca, we have our own version of that story. When ziddy (aka Candide and steubenboi; see: steubencandy) was growing up in suburban Ohio, his bedroom was on the lower level of the house so he could come and go as he pleased while his parents slept at the other end of the house. Late one evening, he awoke feeling a bit peckish and decided to go up to the kitchen for a midnight bite to eat.

Hearing strange noises coming from the kitchen, he paused outside the door. He soon recognized the voices of his parents, giggling and making odd noises. Relieved that burglars hadn't broken into the house, he walked right in. Every light in the kitchen was on. Squinting in the bright glare of the fluorescents, his jaw dropped at what he saw.

There, naked on the kitchen counter, was his mom. Behind her prone form was his dad, without a stitch on and clearly in the midst of buggering his wife up the butt with the memorable exhortation "Woman, damn, you're tighter than screw-on socks!" At this delicate juncture of coitus interruptus , it is hard to imagine who was more shocked. His dad stammered something about "...your mother and I....wanted to spice up our sex life..." Ziddy backed slowly out of the kitchen, horrified. The only thing he could manage to say was "I only wanted a piece of cheese, goddamit!" Perhaps there's something to be said about buttsex being a biological imperative after all, heh heh.