peanut-butter-and-Jesus sandwiches

Dusty Springfield's 1968 hit single Son of a Preacher Man starts off with the lyrics "Billy Ray was a preacher's son..." Well, my ex-boyf Decay- really was the son of a preacher man; his father is an Episcopalian minister -- with a Doctorate of Divinity no less. But lest you think Decay- père a stuffy, uptight, moralizing man, let me reassure you that...well, he's not stuffy anyhow.

When he's not busy preaching sermons from original Latin, Greek Vulgate, and Aramaic texts (translating on the fly), he's terrorizing unwary Mormon missionaries who dare to darken his door. Decay- has many happy memories from childhood, but most of them are made up. The apocryphy of this anecdote is as suspect as anything else from Decay-'s mischievious mind...

At Decay's father's church, the sacrament of the Eucharist (aka Holy Communion) was celebrated with (to hear Decay- tell it) " red wine from a box and really tiny loaves of baked bread that always seemed stale..." Decay-'s father had the vaguely impious habit of bringing unconsecrated loaves home to serve to the family. He figured since he hadn't consecrated them yet, they were still plain old bread, and not transubstantiated into the body of Christ. Besides, he was Episcopalian, remember, closer to the Reformation than to Rome. Or maybe he just thought "Hey, I can just...change 'em back to bread!" A doctorate in divinity gives you strange thoughts.

Decay-'s mother, on the other hand, like most Filipino women of her generation, was a devout Catholic, and was absolutely horrified that her husband would even think of taking bread bound for the Eucharist out of the Church. Decay- notes with some irony that she never had a problem with consuming unconsecrated communion wine, however. So anyways, on the occasions when said bread was being served, Decay-'s mother would always yell up to her son that his father was serving peanut-butter-and-Jesus sandwiches again. Years later, Decay- would quip that he actually preferred "...grilled-Jesus sandwiches, because He doesn't stick to the roof of my mouth."