RCoS

RCoS stands for the Rubber Chicken of Stupidity and it is the third tier in the escalation of no; also known as HIT-THEM-OVER-THE-HEAD-WITH-NO. While the tiers of no are well documented elsewhere (see: escalation of no), how the RCoS came to be is a story in and of itself...

During our eight-month incarceration (I got sprung two months early with time off for good behaviour and a release clause in my contract) in Colorado, our hapless employers would try to fool their employees into thinking everything was just fine at the company. In fact, we were going down faster than a White House intern. But they kept pushing the "we're one big happy family" party line. One of the ways they did this was to have "team-building exercises" which usually involved lots of alcohol and free cheap food.

Being both contractors and non-drinkers, Decay- and I knew full well that team-building exercises involving alcohol and free cheap food usually meant just one thing: HR was gonna be there, taking names and gathering evidence for future misconduct reports. I did the only honourable thing to do: I shut my office door and hid under my desk until everyone else had left for the team-building exercise.

Decay-, however, had a shared office and could not get away. I waved to him gleefully from my office window as I watched him mournfully board the chartered bus bound for HR-hell. As it turned out, the team-building exercise was an exercise not in raising one's own morale, but in lowering other people's. The employees were divided into two teams and set loose at Dave & Buster's (a kind of Chuck E Cheese for grownups) and told to compete against each other. Decay- assures me that he could have easily gone on with his life without having to have seen the CEO's fiftysomething executive secretary trying to Pop-a-Shot basketballs in her woolen plaid skirt.

As a testament to their wussiness, the losing team was presented with prizes of rubber chickens and drink tickets to drown their sorrows in. Yeah, there's a good way to build morale....anyways, Decay- kept his rubber chicken next to his desk as a reminder to always avoid future team-building exercises. Decay- does not suffer fools gladly -- or even at all -- and his position brought him into contact with lots of them. Most of them were managers.

One day, when dealing with the head of Customer Service (a character we called Prince Valiant), Decay- got so frustrated with explaining OVER AND OVER why he had to turn Prince Valiant's proposal down that he grabbed the rubber chicken by his desk and thwapped it on the desk to make his point. "NO!! Not just NO, but HELL NO! Do I have to hit you over the head with it?" he thundered, brandishing the rubber chicken threateningly. Well. As threatening as you can be whilst holding a rubber chicken. And thus, the Rubber Chicken of Stupidity became the third tier in the escalation of no.

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