velly duh-ty o'man...

One of the DfH events we planned but never carried out was the inspiration of claudeSF. He wanted to plan a P'n'M field trip to AsiaSF, a nightclub-restaurant in the SOMA district of San Francisco. AsiaSF features "gender illusionists" as your waitstaff and in between serving you your food, work the lurid red runway that goes down the center of the restaurant. Sort of like dinner theatre for the asian drag queen crowd.

Anyways, the plan was for a group of us -- all Asian -- to go for dinner, posing as nouveau-riche émigrés from the far east. You know the (stereo)type: all black and white linen, gucci sunglasses, chattering away LOUDLY into cellphones. We would then invite a single caucasian accomplice, posing as a rich white rice queen, to join our table, where we would proceed to compete with each other for his attentions, as obsequiously as possible.

During the discussion of this plan, I asked claudeSF how he handled clueless white guys who assumed that just because you're Asian, it must mean that your first language is not English. For claudeSF (born in Chicago) and myself (born in Toronto), this presumptiousness always leaves us feeling unsure whether we should laugh or be offended. claudeSF told me of how one time an older white man approached him at a bar and asked very slowly and deliberately (pronouncing each syllable, as one might speak towards a child), "You are ve-ry...beau-ti-ful....What...coun-try...are...you...from?" claudeSF responded by tittering Japanese-school-girl like behind his hand and grinned broadly, "Oahh!!! You velly duh-ty o'man! You go 'way now!!" The man was clearly taken aback and claudeSF dropped his smile and continued in his normal voice, mimicing the man's slow and deliberate delivery "I'm from...Chi-ca-go...Ill-i-nois...you stooo-pid....fuck."

[more]

[close]