From: "SwordQueen" DISCLAIMER: STAR TREK, DEEP SPACE NINE, GARAK, BASHIR and all the other characters associated therewith are the express and exclusive property of the mighty PARAMOUNT. No disrespect or copyright infringement is intended. This story is rated "R" for non-explicit m/m sexual content. If you're under 18, then you shouldn't be reading this -- so go back to your room and read Dr. Seuss or something. ACKNOWLEDGMENTS -- ALL of the wonderful G/B, P/K, K/S and M/K slash fanfiction writers whose stories it has been my truest pleasure to read! SPOILERS? Only if you've decided not to watch DS9's 5th Season and completely missed the previous seasons' episodes "BROKEN LINK," "FOR THE CAUSE," and "THE WIRE." Otherwise, this story is simply my own psychoanalytical opinion of the reasons behind the recent "uncharacteristic" behavior of my two favorite DS9 characters with a little social commentary (and no small amount of "mush") thrown in for good measure. I hope you enjoy it. Comments are appreciated (SWORDQUEEN@worldnet.att.net), but I do ask one thing -- BE GENTLE WITH ME -- this is my very first attempt at fanfiction! MISPERCEPTIONS By SwordQueen (Copyright May 1997) _______________ "Oh great! There's Garak and Ziyal." "Where?" Jadzia Dax asked turning in the direction the young doctor was facing. "Over there ..." said Dr. Bashir, "... looking over the dessert menu." "Oh, I see them." Jadzia said. "Those two have been spending a great deal of time together lately. What exactly is going on with them?" With a deep sigh the Doctor responded, "I don't know, and you know what else? I don't really care either!" "Julian!" Jadzia exclaimed. "If anyone else had just said what you did, I don't think I would have blinked, but I'm really surprised at you. I thought you and Garak were friends?" "We are ... or were ... oh, I don't know!" Julian stated in an exasperated tone, "It's just that lately we haven't really been spending that much time together. Oh, I don't know," he said again with a sigh, "Maybe he's just bored with me. Apparently, he finds Ziyal's company far more pleasing." Giving Julian a skeptical look, Jadzia asked "Don't you think you're being a tad bit maudlin about this, Julian? You and Garak have a special bond between you, and I honestly don't think Ziyal is enough to break it." "I'd like to believe you, Jadzia, but the truth is that my behavior toward Garak lately hasn't exactly been cordial either." "What do you mean?" "Well, I've always known that Garak wasn't to be trusted, and I knew that behind that disarming smile and those shining blue eyes of his was a man with a very dark history. Yet, despite all this, I could never truly bring myself to believe that he could ever cause me any real harm -- at least not directly!" "So I take it then that you've recently modified your outlook where Garak is concerned?" asked Jadzia. "Of course I've modified my outlook where he's concerned," Julian exclaimed. "Afterall, he did try and kill me remember? It wasn't just the Founders who would have been destroyed if Garak's plan had worked out, but Captain Sisko, Odo, and *me* as well." "Now hold on a minute, Julian! You are taking this way too personally. What about the rest of us on the ship?" Jadzia argued. "A ship which -- I might add -- Garak *himself* was also on. None of us would have made it out of the quadrant alive if he had succeeded in destroying the Founder's planet." "You just don't understand!" Julian whined. "No, Julian, *you're* the one that doesn't understand," Jadzia explained pointedly, "Even the Captain understood why Garak was motivated to do what he did. That's why he only gave him 6 months in lock-up instead of several years. Think about it, Julian. If you had just been told by the Founders that they were planning on wiping out everything that you knew, everything that you loved and held dear, how do you think you would have reacted? Can you honestly say that you might not have attempted what Garak did?" "Well, I--" Julian fumbled. "No! You can't say for sure, can you?" Sighing deeply, Jadzia continued, "Julian, you can't always expect Garak to behave the way you think he should. Garak's not human, he's *Cardassian!* And, from what I know of Cardassian ethics, Garak's actions were quite noble and just. I'm not saying I agree with what he did, but I can certainly respect his reasons for doing it. "I understand what you're saying, Jadzia, but if he really wanted to he could have found a way to contact me ... warn me ... something! But he didn't, and you know why? Because he didn't care! Deep down I'm just another *human* to him. The Cardassians have never hidden their contempt for humans, so why should he be any different, especially now that he has Ziyal as a companion. I was naive to think that our friendship was anything more than just a way for him to pass the time," Julian said sadly, "He virtually told me as much when I helped him a few years back during his ordeal with the Wire. I feel like such a fool." "I can't believe I'm hearing this!" Jadzia stated with surprise. "Here you are, ready to throw away a wonderful friendship, and why? -- Because your feelings are hurt?" "Whoa!" said a stunned Julian. "What is that supposed to mean?" Jadzia was about to explain further when a soft familiar voice sounded behind her. "Hello Doctor, Commander," said Garak smiling down at the two. Caught off guard, both Jadzia and Julian looked up with surprise, and more than a bit of embarrassment. The best Julian could manage was a quick smile and a nod, which left Jadzia to respond. "Huh? Oh, Garak ... Ziyal ... hi. You startled us," she said laughing nervously, "Julian and I were in the middle of something, and we didn't see you approach." Then, looking at the tray Garak was holding she continued, "My, that looks appetizing. Ok, who's got the sweet tooth?" "Well . . ." Garak began. "Let's see now, Banana Splits with extra chocolate fudge ... hmm, my money's on Garak!" Julian interrupted unexpectedly, looking up at the Cardassian with a knowing grin. Again Garak opened his mouth to respond but this time it was Ziyal who interrupted. "How did you know? Garak and I just discovered Banana Splits yesterday." "'*Just* discovered?'" Julian asked with surprise, before he felt a sudden kick to his leg from under the table. Shooting an evil glance at Jadzia, he continued, "But I thought--" "Actually ...," Garak interjected, "... I must confess, Ziyal, that it was in fact Doctor Bashir who, a couple of years ago, first introduced me to this delectable dessert." Then, looking pointedly at Julian he explained, "You see Doctor, Ziyal and I were having lunch yesterday when we spotted another couple sitting nearby eating Banana Splits. Ziyal was so taken in by the obvious pleasure they displayed while eating the dessert that it intrigued her enough to want to try one. I just couldn't bring myself to spoil her excitement by telling her that I had already had the pleasure, so I decided to let her continue to assume that it was my first time as well." Turning back to Ziyal he said apologetically, "I do hope you'll forgive me my dear." Smiling sweetly up at Garak, Ziyal replied, "It's ok, I'm not disappointed. It's your company that I enjoy the most anyway. You always make meals so much more fun and interesting." A sudden feeling of nausea overcame the Doctor. Quickly, he stood up and motioned at the table with his hand. "Well then," he said politely, "Why don't you two take our table and enjoy your Banana Splits. Jadzia and I were about to leave anyway." Picking up her cue, Jadzia also stood and smiled, "Yes, please, the sooner you start on those, the better." Excited, Ziyal sat down in Julian's vacated chair. Garak, however, looked at the doctor with genuine disappointment. "Oh but Doctor," he said. "Do you really have to leave? It's been so long since we've had lunch together that I was hoping you could join us." Julian looked closely at Garak, and for a second he found himself believing his conniving friend. Even more, he felt his pulse quicken at the idea that Garak actually *wanted* to spend time with him. Unfortunately, Ziyal chose that exact moment to whine, "Oh come on Garak! The Doctor and Dax obviously have other plans. Sit down, I can't wait to try these." Garak stood where he was for a moment staring meaningfully at Julian, hoping he would change his mind. Instead, he felt his heart sink when his dear friend turned his gaze from him and said hesitantly, "Um ... Ziyal is right. Dax and I do have other plans. You two go ahead and enjoy yourselves. I'll see you both later." Garak's Obsidian Order training refused to let him show just how hurt he was by the Doctor's rejection. So, as he watched the two walk toward the exit, he once again smiled sweetly and said, "Very well Doctor, Commander .... take care." Then he sat down, turned to Ziyal and with eyes once again glowing said "Well dear, shall we begin?" ************************ Outside in the Promenade Jadzia walked silently beside a brooding Julian. Although he didn't say anything, his face betrayed his obviously confused emotional state. Jadzia was fascinated at how quickly his expression would change from melancholy to anger to hope and then start all over again. Finally, as they neared the Infirmary she decided to speak. "Julian?" Startled, the doctor turned toward her and stared blankly at Jadzia as if he were unaware she had still been with him. "Hm? Oh, Jadzia! I'm so sorry. I really haven't been much of a lunch companion today have I?" Jadzia smiled warmly at Julian. "It's ok, Julian. I know you've got a lot on your mind. I also know that the situation with Garak is really troubling you a lot. Would you mind if I offered you some advice?" she asked hesitantly. With a sigh Julian replied, "Oh, please do. I'm at my wits end with this one. I'd welcome any advice you could give me." "Well, Julian, the way I see it, it appears that neither you nor Garak seem to know where you stand anymore with one another. I know how hard he tried not to show it, but he was clearly upset just now when you declined his offer to join him and Ziyal for lunch. I don't think he would have reacted that way if he were no longer interested in maintaining your friendship. Also, Julian, if your behavior toward him really has been as ambiguous as you've led me to believe, then it's no wonder he's been a little distant. I think what you need to do is to ask yourself what it is *exactly* that you want out of your relationship with Garak." "What I want is for our relationship to be the way it once was!" Shaking her head, Jadzia replied, "Trust me on this one Julian, if there is one thing that we can all count on in life, it's that *everything* changes -- especially relationships. It's a part of ... well ... life! Why do you think you were so hurt by Garak's actions at the Founder's planet? If that incident had happened a couple of years earlier, you wouldn't have been nearly so bothered by it. The reason it hurts so much now is because over time you've grown to care very much about Garak and you had also come to believe that he cared just as much about you -- and, you *still* don't know for sure that he doesn't!" The look on Julian's face was skeptical at best. Jadzia patted him comfortingly on the shoulder and said, "Besides, Julian, let's be honest. This isn't just about a disagreement you had with Garak, is it? It's also about Ziyal as well. I think you feel more threatened by her than you'd care to admit." Julian's first impulse was to protest, but the knowing look on Jadzia's face told him he'd be wasting his time. Instead he glanced shamefully down at the ground and replied, "I suppose you're right. I just don't understand it. What does he see in her anyway, she's just a child!" Despite herself, Jadzia couldn't help but smile at Julian's obvious agony over the matter. She knew that none of this was easy for her friend, but he had to face up to the truth now, before it was too late. Placing a patient hand on Julian's shoulder she replied, "True, she is young, but she absolutely adores him -- both for who *and* what he is! No suspicions, no judgments, no questions. Can you really blame him for wanting to spend so much time with her? Who wouldn't enjoy being around someone who thought that the universe began and ended the moment they first met!" "Yeah, I guess I can't blame him really," Julian said quietly. Smiling, Jadzia said, "Besides, give Garak a little credit. Ziyal might believe she's in love with him, but so far, I've seen nothing to indicate that he feels the same way about her. He clearly cares for her, but love? I don't think so." Julian looked up at her then, and the look of hope in his eyes was priceless. "Thanks, Jadzia. I'll think about what you've said," he stated with renewed spirit, then turned and strode toward the Infirmary. ************************ "Oh Garak, this is just beautiful!" said the young Bajoran woman admiring herself in the mirror. "My mother was appalled when I first told her that I wanted you to design my wedding gown, but I don't think even she could protest anymore after seeing this." Garak stood, looking proudly at the dress. He had to admit, it was definitely some of his best work so far. She looked absolutely radiant, so much so that he just had to tell her himself. "You look absolutely radiant my dear!" he exclaimed. "Thank you, thank you so much Garak. Don't you worry, I will proudly tell anyone who asks, even the Prophets themselves, that *you* were the genius who designed my gown." Smiling gratefully at the woman, Garak steered her toward the dressing room. "Oh my!" he said jokingly, "Do you really think the Prophets might be interested in my designs? I wonder what style would be popular with them this season?" The young woman's jaw dropped in reaction to Garak's sacrilegious humor, but she was clearly not offended by it and started to reply when Garak continued, "Now go along dear and change out of that dress, there are still a couple of minor alterations I need to make." As he watched her walk into the dressing area, Garak found himself musing on just how nicely his life was progressing since he had been exiled on DS9. What he had first perceived as a prison, was quickly becoming his home. Though he still longed to return to Cardassia, he found that life on DS9 wasn't really all that bad. His business was thriving, he had made a few friends, and it appeared that he was slowly gaining the respect of the command crew. Oh, he was all too aware that they didn't completely trust him -- as well they shouldn't -- but for a restless former agent of the Obsidian Order, they had managed to provide him with enough intrigue and entertainment to keep him satisfied. Still, Garak couldn't help but continue to feel that humans were just so strange! He could hardly understand them at all. So complex they were. So driven by their high ideals of compassion and loyalty. Smiling, he pondered on the numerous debates he and Julian had had regarding their vastly different beliefs during their lunches together. He paused in his thoughts then, lingering over the mental image of his dear, sweet, Julian. *Oh, how I miss him so!* he thought. Things had started off so pleasantly between them, and for a while their relationship had appeared to be progressing nicely. But lately their friendship appeared to be disintegrating fast. Julian hadn't even bothered to visit him during his unfortunate incarceration after the incident at the Founder's planet. He certainly hadn't expected the entire command crew to come, but he truly did believe that the Doctor, at least, would visit him. But his beloved friend never came, and Garak was convinced it was because the Doctor felt somehow betrayed by him. Funny, it had never occurred to Garak before that the Doctor might have found it difficult to forgive him. Goodness knows he had forgiven him so many other things in the past. What made this time so different? Garak sighed deeply. *"If he only knew,"* he thought, *"If he only knew just how much I love him!"* "Garak? Garak?" said a female voice behind him. Coming out of his reverie, Garak turned and saw the Bajoran woman looking at him with concern. "Are you allright, Garak?" she asked. "Oh yes, my dear, I'm fine. I just have a couple of things on my mind. So..," he said clasping his hands together and smiling, "Give me that dress now. Hopefully, I'll have those alterations ready for you by tomorrow." She smiled brightly up at him, kissed him quickly on the cheek and said, "You're the best Garak. Oh, and by the way ... I think the Prophets would absolutely *love* your designs!" then giggling, she strolled happily out of the shop. He laughed to himself as he watched her leave and then realized that he really wasn't in the mood to deal with anymore customers, so he decided to close the shop a little early. ************************ Garak walked along the Promenade with no particular destination in mind. Just as he began wondering where he should go, he suddenly realized that he was approaching the Infirmary. He stopped briefly to consider this and then resumed his pace and marched inside. A few of the staff members looked up when he entered, but none of them bothered to stop him as he strode straight into Doctor Bashir's office. He found his friend sitting in his chair looking rather forlornly down at his padd. It was obvious from the way he was holding it that he wasn't even reading it, but upon closer examination, Garak realized that the Doctor's mind was lightyears away. He leaned over and tapped the Doctor lightly on his shoulder. When Julian looked up, Garak could see the glazed look in his eyes. "Garak?" he said in a soft, almost seductive, whisper. "Doctor?" Garak whispered back in the same tone. They stared longingly at one another for a few moments before one of them, in this case the Doctor, finally recovered. "Garak?" he repeated, his voice puzzled, but back to it's normal tone, "What are you doing here? Is everything allright? Are you feeling ok?" Up until that moment, Garak had been leaning down over the Doctor with his hand resting on his shoulder. Julian's questions served to break the spell, and it took Garak a couple of seconds to regain his composure. However, he had been trained to read people, and in that fleeting moment, when he had gazed deeply into the Doctor's eyes, he had learned all that he had needed to know. Standing erect again, Garak looked down at his beloved friend and said, "Actually, Doctor, everything is not allright, and, no, I don't feel very well at all!" Julian was clearly shaken by this. He grabbed Garak by the arm and tried to lead him toward the examining room. "Oh dear!" he said, "Let's get you into the examining room where I can have a better look at you." Refusing to budge, Garak stood his ground and shook his head. "No, Doctor," he said, "I don't think you understand. There is nothing *medically* wrong with me. What's ailing me is something that goes much deeper than the flesh." Still concerned, Julian replied, "Garak, I don't understand. Please, tell me what's wrong." "What's wrong, Doctor, is you and me," he replied, pointing first at the Doctor and then at himself, "And, quite frankly, I think it's high time that we did something about it!" "Wha...?" was all Julian could get out before Garak continued emphatically. "Let me finish please. I think you're as aware as I am that things have not been very good between us lately. Up until today, I had hoped that whatever it was would get better on its own, but apparently it hasn't. So, I've decided that you and I are going to get together and try and work things out, and we will not stop until we've resolved all of our differences! Now, do you have any plans tonight Doctor?" Stunned by Garak's little speech, all Julian could do was simply reply, "Um ... no. No, I don't have any plans tonight." "Good, because you do now!" Garak said forcefully. Then, with a thoughtful look he continued, "I think privacy is in order here, Doctor, and since your apartment is larger, we should probably arrange to meet there tonight. We can discuss things over a nice dinner. Make sure the place is clean, and don't worry -- I'll bring the food." He started to leave, then turned back suddenly with a sly grin on his face and said, "I guarantee you'll love it. I make an *obscenely* delicious Culrak!" Then he quickly left the Infirmary, leaving Julian standing there mystified. ************************ "You're joking, right?" asked Miles O'Brien in an exasperated tone. Julian paused in his dusting and looked up at Miles. "Does it look like I'm joking?" he responded. "I ... I ... I just don't get it! Please, Julian, I have to know. What *is it* about that Cardie that fascinates you so?" With barely restrained tolerance Julian threw down the duster and replied, "Look, Miles, this obviously isn't something you're ever going to understand. And, quite frankly, I really don't have the time to explain it to you right now. So do me a favor will you? Either help me clean this place up, or go home to your wife, allright?" Nodding his head rapidly and throwing his hands up in the air, Miles responded, "Fine then! Don't explain! I'll just leave you alone with your insanity -- and your dirt!" As he stormed toward the door he paused, then turned around again to look at Julian who was busily picking up some clothing that had been flung across the sofa. "But, before I go, just tell me one thing. Do you *really* think you could love someone like him?" Shaking with anger, Julian turned toward his friend, "Do you hear yourself Miles? 'That Cardie' ... 'someone like him'! It just so happens that 'that Cardie' has a name -- it's GARAK! And, for your information, the answer is YES! Yes, I really do think I could love 'someone like him'! Right this moment, however, the only thing concerning me is how I could have ever allowed myself to become friends with *someone like YOU!"* Then he turned on his heels and stormed into the bedroom. Miles stood where he was for a moment, wrestling with his feelings. Julian was his friend, and he cared about him very much. He knew in his heart that he couldn't alter his feelings where Garak was concerned, but he certainly wasn't willing to risk his friendship with Julian over them. Slowly, he followed Julian into the bedroom, pausing just long enough to pick a couple of socks out of the branches of the rubber tree which sat outside the entrance. "I'm sorry, Julian," he said. "I was wrong for the things I said. I don't like the situation with you and Garak, but I suppose I'll just have to learn to accept it. If I sounded cruel, it's only because I care about what happens to you. I never intended to offend you." Julian leaned back from where he had been angrily stripping the bed. Still clutching the used sheets in his hands, he looked over at his friend. He was still annoyed with Miles, but could tell from his expression that he was being sincere. Not wanting to risk their friendship any more than Miles did he replied, "Forget about it. It's not like you've kept your feelings about Garak a secret, or anything. I also suppose I can understand -- and even appreciate -- your concerns regarding him. But you've got to understand, Miles, I can't go on denying what I feel in my heart. I just can't fight it anymore. Like it or not, you're just going to have to accept that Garak is someone who is very important to me." "Well," Miles responded with a grin, "That much is obvious! Come on, I'll help you finish cleaning up this pig sty," then he tossed the socks and laughed as they landed on the top of Julian's head. Garak was in his quarters, stirring the last few seasonings into his Culrak <"I hope you're as good a cook as you are a tailor,"> he muttered to himself. <"This has to come out perfect or it will just ruin the evening!"> Placing the lid back on, he turned and walked toward his wardrobe. <"Let's see now, what shall I wear?"> After hitting the closet door controls he looked over his selection indecisively. Shaking his head in frustration, he lifted his hand to wipe at his brow. Removing his hand, he looked down at the moisture there with surprise. <"Oh my, Doctor,"> he thought to himself. <"You really do have me in quite a tizzy today don't you? Cardassians almost NEVER sweat!"> Right then he heard the door chime. Turning, he yelled softly, "Come in." Not much to his surprise, it was Ziyal. "Hello dear," he said happily. "What brings you here? I thought you were spending the evening with Major Kira?" Running to give Garak a hug, Ziyal responded, "I was, but ever since she had the O'Briens' baby, all she wants to do is spend time over there. Kirayoshi is cute, but he's too young to be particularly interesting, and the O'Briens, well ... they're not very interesting either. Besides, the Chief wasn't home and Keiko was busy trying to get Molly to go to bed. Fortunately, Kira was too preoccupied with the baby to pay me much attention, so I was able to slip away without much fuss." "So you decided to come here instead?" Smiling guiltily, Ziyal tilted her head to the side and said affectionately, "Yeah ... well, you know how much I love spending time with you, Garak." Then, sniffing around, she exclaimed, "Ooh, what's that I smell? I knew it was a good idea to come by. Is it almost ready?" Realizing where Ziyal was going with this, Garak replied quickly, "Pretty much. But I'm afraid I can't share it with you tonight." "What do you mean?" Ziyal asked with obvious disappointment. "Well, I have plans tonight and I'm afraid, my dear, that they don't include you," Garak replied sympathetically. Clearly taken aback, Ziyal simply said, "Oh. I didn't know. Usually you tell me when you've made other plans. You didn't say anything at lunch, so I had assumed you hadn't made any." "That's allright dear, no harm done. Now, if you'll excuse me, I am running a bit behind. Why don't you come by the shop tomorrow? I'll show you the new gown I've designed. It's absolutely beautiful!" Ziyal knew Garak well enough to be able to recognize when he was being evasive. She considered asking him straight out what his plans were, but decided against it. Instead, she said, "Sure! I'd love to see your new design. I guess I'll be going then. You enjoy yourself tonight, Garak. I'll see you tomorrow." "Bye, bye dear," Garak replied, waving his hand as he watched her leave. "You have a good evening too." ************************ Once outside in the corridor, Ziyal went over her exchange with Garak. She felt a tight feeling in her chest that she couldn't explain, but she was aware enough of it to know that she wouldn't be able to relax until she knew just who it was that Garak was seeing tonight. There was only one person on the station that Ziyal felt threatened by where Garak was concerned, and she suddenly knew with certainty that that was who Garak had plans with -- Dr. Bashir! ************************ Julian looked over his apartment carefully with a self-congratulatory smile on his face. He had to admit that his place hadn't been this clean in months. He walked over to the table to make sure that there wasn't anything he had forgotten. Knowing the tailor's meticulous nature, he wanted everything to be perfect. As he was about to pick up a knife and shine it once more, he heard his door chime. When he opened the door, he was greeted by the sight of an immaculately groomed Cardassian holding a large basket and smiling warmly at him. "Good evening, Doctor," Garak said. Julian just stood there for a long moment, staring at his beloved friend. Garak was always impeccable about his appearance, but Julian could not recall a time when he had ever seen him look more handsome. He was dressed in a long blue-grey tunic with dark blue pants. The tunic had a low, wide collar which showed off his neck ridges in a strangely erotic way and the blue-grey coloring of the top made his eyes shine even more than usual. Add to all this the disarming smile he was flashing, and Julian was convinced that the man was actually glowing! "Aren't you going to let me in Doctor?" Garak inquired innocently. He knew perfectly well why the Doctor was so distracted (as was his intention when he got dressed for their little meeting), but he wasn't prepared to let the Doctor know that he knew. "Oh, yes ... please, come in," Julian replied with a wave of his arm. Garak entered and headed straight for the table Julian had set. Putting his basket down he said, "My, my Doctor! How lovely! You did this all yourself didn't you?" Not really expecting an answer, Garak looked down at the place settings and picked up one of the plates to examine it more closely. "These are different," he said, indicating the plates. Do you mind if I ask where you got them Doctor?" Reluctantly pulling his eyes away from his handsome friend, Julian responded, "Actually, those were originally my great, great, great grandmother's china plates. They've literally been passed down from generation to generation. My mother insisted I bring them with me when I got my assignment to come to DS9. This is the first time I've ever used them. Do you like them?" "Yes, I like them very much," Garak replied no longer looking at the plates but at Julian instead. "They're one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen!" Garak's voice had taken on a more sultry tone and his face looked distracted as his eyes slowly covered the Doctor's body from head to toe. "I must say, Doctor, that as lovely as these plates are, they're nothing compared to you." Julian was attired in a close fitting, ornately designed shirt with black trousers. The outfit itself wasn't particularly fancy or anything but it fit the Doctor perfectly in all the right places. There was something familiar about it, however, and, upon closer examination, Garak realized that it was an outfit which Julian had brought to him for alterations shortly after they had first met a few years ago. At the time, Garak's interest in the Doctor was strictly platonic, but now, looking at him, Garak wondered if, subconsciously, he had known even then that there was a good chance their relationship could change into something deeper. The outfit fit the Doctor so well that it looked as if it had been tailored by someone who knew him quite intimately. Realizing that his staring was causing his friend to blush, Garak clasped his hands together and said, "Well, shall we get started now, Doctor? I do so hope that you like Culrak. Have you ever tried it before?" "No, I can't say that I have. I hope you don't mind ...," Julian said picking up a bottle from off the table, "... but I took the liberty of picking up some wine. Since I had never tasted Culrak before, I wasn't really sure what kind to get, so I decided to settle for a Bajoran red which I've been told goes well with just about anything." "I'm sure that will do nicely," Garak replied. "Why don't you pour us some and I'll serve up the Culrak." When each had completed their tasks, the two sat across from each other at the table. Garak looked up from his plate at the Doctor, then leaned over and said with a smile, "Go ahead, why don't you start first." Julian knew that Garak was anxious to see his reaction to the dish so he smiled back at the tailor and dug in. He savored the food in his mouth before slowly chewing and then swallowing it. Then, without saying a word, he took another bite and did the same. Garak was watching him intently while he ate, and Julian knew that he was dying to know what he thought. Feeling that he had tortured his friend long enough, he finally looked up and said with a broad grin, "Garak, you never cease to amaze me. This has got to be the most delicious FERENGHI STEW I've ever had!" Then laughing he continued, "Culrak indeed! Didn't you think I'd know the difference?" Garak didn't bother to disguise his delight. "Well actually I did think you'd know the difference, which is why I told you it was Culrak. I didn't think you'd want to eat it if you knew it was Ferenghi Stew. There aren't too many humanoids who wouldn't get physically ill at the idea of eating stewed bloodworms!" When Garak saw the green tint which seemed to appear out of nowhere on his friend's face, he quickly added, "Oh, don't worry Doctor! There aren't too many Cardassians who wouldn't get physically ill either, myself included, so, as is usually done with Ferenghi Stew, I substituted the bloodworms with Rigellian tubeweed." Instantly relieved, Julian began to laugh uncontrollably. "Oh Garak," he said between breaths, "I've missed you so much!" Garak was laughing as well, but when he heard the Doctor's words, he sobered up quickly and took the young man's hands in his own. "And I have missed you too my dear Doctor." Julian stopped laughing also, and the two sat there for a long moment, holding each other's hands and looking lovingly across the table at one another. Garak was the one who finally broke the moment by saying softly, "Why don't we finish eating. 'Culrak' does taste best while it's hot." ************************ Outside in the corridor, Kira was walking down the hall thinking about how much little Kirayoshi looked like Miles. So caught up in her thoughts was she that she didn't even notice the person who had crashed into her as they passed her by. She paused for a moment and then looked up quickly when she realized who her assailant was. Turning around, she ran to catch up with the quickly departing figure. "Ziyal!" she called out. "Ziyal!" she called again when she finally caught up to the girl. Grabbing her by the shoulders, she turned her around to face her when she saw the tears running down the girl's face. "Ziyal, what is it, honey? What's happened? Why are you crying?" she asked concerned. Sniffing loudly, the girl blurted out, "I can't believe he's doing this to me! I just can't believe it!" "What are you talking about? Who is 'he'?" the Major asked pointedly. "Garak!" He's ... he's with him again. How can he do this?" "With who, honey? I don't understand. Who is Garak with, and what exactly is it that he has done?" "He's with the Doctor again. I knew it! I could tell by the way he was acting earlier." "The Doctor? You mean Julian?" "Yes, who else would I mean? He's always had a thing for him, and now .... now ... Oh, it hurts so much!" she sobbed. Then she turned away from Kira and ran down the hall crying hysterically. Still baffled, Kira stood, for a moment watching Ziyal's departing figure, then asked herself out loud, "Was I *ever* this young?" and proceeded to go after the poor thing. ************************ Back in the Doctor's quarters, Julian and Garak were still sitting together at the table. Julian had taken his seat and moved it closer to where Garak sat. They were leaning in very close to one another and finishing off the wine. Garak was running his hand affectionately up and down Julian's forearm and both were staring lovingly at each other. "Doctor?" Garak asked in a low voice. "Hmm?" Julian responded, not taking his eyes off the tailor. "Can I ask you a question?" "Of course you can," he said leaning closer to Garak, "You can ask me anything you'd like." Garak looked down at where he was caressing the Doctor's arm. Then he looked back up and asked hesitantly, "Why didn't you come to visit me during my incarceration?" Stunned, Julian pulled away from Garak slightly. He wasn't expecting Garak to ask him that particular question. "Whoa, that one caught me off guard," he said awkwardly. "I didn't mean to upset you, Julian. It's just something I've wondered about for a while now. Why didn't you come? You must have known I would have wanted to see you," Garak asked softly. Julian could hear the pain in his friend's voice and he wished that he could say something to erase it, but, the best he could do was say, "I wanted to. Hell, I thought about coming to visit you the whole time you were gone! There were several times when I even made plans, but I'd always find some reason not to. I guess I was afraid." "Afraid of what? Me?" Garak asked incredulously. "No ... well ... yes! I guess I was afraid you wouldn't want to see me." Then, in a sad voice he said, "I didn't think you cared." Garak couldn't believe what he was hearing. "How could you possibly think that?" he asked the Doctor. "How could you ever believe that I wouldn't care about *you?* Don't you know, Doctor, that you are the only thing that I care most about in the entire galaxy?" The expression of shock and dismay on Garak's face was not completely unexpected, but the sadness in his eyes was more than Julian could bear. He knew that his response had only served to worsen his beloved friend's pain, so with a desperate desire to clear things up, he tried his best to explain. "I just didn't understand. I didn't understand how you could try and kill me one minute and then carry on with our friendship as if nothing had happened the next. I know that your attempted attack on the Founder's planet wasn't directed at me, but I still can't get past the fact that you didn't even try and warn me or something! If Worf hadn't stopped you when he did, you might very well have succeeded in your plan, and I would never have had the chance to be here with you now ..." then looking down at their still entwined hands he continued, "... like this." "Doctor ... Julian ... if I had succeeded in my plan, *neither one of us* would be here now." Garak leaned back in his chair and looked at Julian thoughtfully, "Oh Doctor," he sighed, "How do I explain in a way that you can understand?" He continued looking at Julian for a long moment, and then said, "You know, Doctor, there's an old human ideal regarding 'the greater good'. Are you familiar with it?" "Yes, I am. But I honestly don't see how that could apply here. The destruction of the Founder's planet could have had far more unforeseen ramifications then either of us could possibly imagine. It wasn't just Cardassia that was being threatened, you know. There's still so much about the Founders that we don't know. Don't you see, Garak, you were so blinded by your anger and hatred that you failed to think your actions through. The only 'greater good' you were concerned about, Garak, was your own!" "Believe me, Doctor, there is no one more aware of that now than I am. All I can tell you is that I *really did* believe I was doing what was best at the time, and I can't tell you how sorry I am that you can't seem to understand that." With a deep sigh, Garak continued, "There is something that I would very much like you to understand though, Doctor. It's how I felt when I first realized that Worf had defeated me and that I had failed in my attempt to save my people." An expression of deep sorrow fell across Garak's face as he spoke. "For me, that was one of the darkest moments in my life, and, considering my life, Doctor, that is saying quite a lot. I have known Cardassians that have taken their own lives over much less and at that moment I knew exactly how they felt." "Are you trying to tell me that you actually considered killing yourself?" Julian asked incredulously. "Yes, Doctor, that's exactly what I'm trying to tell you, but what it is that I really want you to understand even more is why I did not." "And why was that?" Julian asked quietly. "Because of you," Garak replied looking deep into Julian's eyes. "The mere thought of you was the beacon of light that I needed to guide me through the darkness that was my heart at that moment. Just the idea of seeing you again was all that was necessary for me not to act on my impulse. I wanted *very much* to see you again, Doctor, and that is why I was so disappointed when you didn't come and visit me afterward." Julian felt horrible. He had been so caught up in his own feelings that he never bothered to consider Garak's. "Oh Garak, I am so sorry! I had no idea you felt this way. Can you ever forgive me?" Garak patted Julian affectionately on the hand. "I honestly don't think that there is anything in the entire universe that I couldn't forgive you, Doctor. In this case, however, forgiveness is not even necessary." He sat there staring at Julian carefully, then slowly he said, "You know, Doctor, we sit here trying our best to understand one another, making our own assumptions and passing our own judgments. But you know something? I think that part of caring for someone ... no ... *loving* someone, is not so much about understanding as much as it is about acceptance. If we were truly meant to understand one another, then there wouldn't be such diversity in the universe. If we've learned anything from our individual histories, it's that the first step to understanding is *acceptance,* and sometimes that's all we can truly hope for." Leaning closer to Garak, Julian said softly, "You're right. There's a great deal of wisdom in acceptance, and I promise you that from this moment on, I will do my best to accept and care for you -- as you are -- no more assumptions, no more judgments!" Then he leaned in further and captured Garak's mouth in a long, lingering kiss. ************************ Early the next morning, Major Kira walked into Ops looking exhausted and haggard. As she approached her station, Dax looked up at her and smiled. "Stayed over at the O'Briens' again last night?" In no mood for Jadzia's teasing, Kira shot her a threatening look and said, "NO, I didn't stay at the O'Briens last night! Listening to Kirayoshi's crying would have been far preferable to the loud wailing I had to endure instead!" With a puzzled look, Jadzia replied, "Huh?" then shaking her head she said, "Never mind. You can tell me about it later. Right now, the Captain wants to see you -- right away!" "Great!" Kira mumbled under her breath, "Just what I need right now." Then she climbed the short stairway leading to Captain Sisko's office. "Well, Major, aren't we looking lovely this morning," Sisko said sarcastically when she entered his office. "You're late." "I know, Captain, and I'm sorry. I didn't get much sleep at all last night," Kira replied. "Let me guess, Kirayoshi still can't distinguish between the day shift and the night shift?" the Captain asked with a smile. "Not you too, Captain! I *did not* stay at the O'Briens' last night! It wasn't Kirayoshi that had me up all night with his crying, it was Ziyal!" "Ziyal?" Sisko asked with surprise. "What's wrong with her?" "Take a wild guess. It starts with G and ends with K." "Garak?" Sisko asked in an angry tone. "Did he do something to that girl? I'll kill him!" Waving her hands in defense, Kira said "No, Garak didn't really do anything wrong. It's Dr. Bashir that's the problem." "Dr. Bashir? What does he have to do with this?" "Well, he threatened her ..." "WHAT! Dr. Bashir *threatened* Ziyal? Has he lost his mind?" "No, Captain, Dr. Bashir didn't threaten Ziyal. You see, Ziyal *felt* threatened by Dr. Bashir ... because of Garak." "Garak? Did Garak tell Ziyal that Dr. Bashir had threatened her? Just what is that conniving Cardassian up to now?" "He's not up to anything -- at least I don't think so. You don't understand, Captain, Ziyal is in love with Garak, and she thinks--" "Ah, I see. She thinks she's in love with Dr. Bashir as well, so she's torn between the two," the Captain finished proudly, "Correct?" "Uh ... no, Captain. I found her outside of Dr. Bashir's apartment crying because she had followed Garak--" "--she had followed Garak's advice and decided to tell the Doctor how she felt. I see now. The poor thing! Was the Doctor kind in his rejection of her at least?" Kira sighed deeply and rested her forehead wearily in her hand. This conversation was progressing in much the same way that her conversation with Ziyal last night had, except last night she had been Sisko, and Ziyal had been her. Still nauseous from that ride, Kira decided it was time to get off. She looked up at Sisko with a look of agonized patience and said, "Captain ... just ... forget about it, ok? Don't worry, I'll handle it. Really, it's nothing for you to concern yourself with. Trust me! Now, what was it that you wanted to see me about?" ************************ Julian rolled over onto his back and stretched slightly. He was not fully awake yet, and his eyes were still closed, but he was smiling with a contentment and happiness unlike any he had ever known. Slowly, he came to full consciousness and turned to his left to gaze upon the reason for his newfound ecstasy. The reason for his newfound ecstasy was propped up on one elbow and staring down at him with a passionate gaze. "How long have you been watching me like that?" Julian asked, slightly embarrassed. "Not long enough, my love." Garak reached out with his free hand and slowly caressed the Doctor's cheek. Julian closed his eyes briefly, savoring the touch, and then opened them again to see his lover still gazing down at him with a thoughtful expression. Smiling, Julian asked his lover affectionately, "What are you thinking about, Garak?" Garak laughed softly and replied with a smile, "Do you really want to know? Ok. I was just thinking ... who needs Banana Splits when I've got you!" Julian began to laugh, and turned to give Garak a loving kiss. When he did, he felt something hard pressing into his thigh. Pretending not to notice, Julian said in a seductive whisper, "Well, you know Garak, I could go for one of those right now." Then running his finger lightly along the side of Garak's exotically beautiful body, he gave Garak a long, wet kiss. When he was through, he looked at his lover with a wicked grin and said, "You wouldn't happen to know where I could find a nice, ripe, banana would you?" Then, sliding down Garak's body, he engorge himself on the delectable dessert he found there waiting for him. ************************ An hour or so later, Garak and Julian were still lying in bed, entangled in one another's arms. If it weren't for the vast differences in their coloring and physiology, it would have been difficult to determine where one ended and the other began. They had been lying like this for some time, not talking, but instead reveling in their newfound intimacy. After a while, it was Julian who spoke first. "Garak. Since I allowed you to ask me a question last night, will you grant me the same privilege now?" "Of course, Julian, you know I can refuse you nothing -- especially now!" "What is it exactly that's going on between you and Ziyal?" Garak, who was quite amused by Julian's query asked, "Does my relationship with Ziyal bother you Doctor?" "Well, I suppose it does a little," Julian confessed. "Really, Doctor? I thought we had worked all of this out last night?" "What do you mean? We didn't discuss Ziyal last night?" "I'm not referring to Ziyal, Doctor. I'm talking about the correlation between understanding and acceptance." "So what are you saying then Garak?" Julian asked in an annoyed tone. "Are you trying to tell me that you have no intention of explaining your relationship with Ziyal to me and that I'm simply going to have to 'accept' it? Is that what you're saying?" Garak gave his beloved Doctor his most innocent look. "Well, Ziyal *is* important to me, Doctor, and I don't see how what's happened between us should have any affect on my relationship with her." Julian was stunned. He quickly disentangled himself from Garak and got up out of the bed to go stand naked by the viewport. "I can't believe this! After last night I thought ... well, I thought--" "You thought what, Doctor?" Garak asked getting up out of the bed to go stand, also naked, behind his only reason to live. "You thought that now that we've become lovers I should commit to you and only you?" He turned Bashir to face him then and was genuinely touched when he saw a single tear rolling down his left cheek. Guilt overcoming him, he gripped his beloved by the shoulders, looked him straight in the eyes and said, "Well, you know what, Doctor? If that is what you thought, then you would be absolutely right!" Drawing him close he gave his precious Julian a long, warm hug, and while he held him in his arms stroking his back softly, he said, "Relax, my love, there's absolutely nothing romantic going on between Ziyal and me. I'm in love with you and only you, and you're just going to have to *accept* that! Then he tilted his head and kissed his lover with all of the passion he could muster. THE END